Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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