Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
