She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
