I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
