It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
