ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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