WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
