is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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