you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
