i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
