and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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