My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
