So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
