I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
babies were throwing up all over the place
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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