I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
