I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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