everyone is single if you try hard enough
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
