wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
