I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
