why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize