idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
