Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
