I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
