i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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