This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
