I wannas sexs uuuuu
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
