i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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