There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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