his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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