thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
