just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
