I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
