So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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