I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
