I wish I could punch you in the face.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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