Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
