New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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