3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
