paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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