It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
