Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
