Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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