I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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