I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
4 words: hood of his car
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
