Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
