Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We need to get me chipped asap
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
