I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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