My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
