...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
