Sponge bath it is.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ttyl tear gas
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
