Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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