how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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