This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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