anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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