am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
