so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
