There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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