I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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