I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
