I faked an abortion last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
