Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
