Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't turn off my feet"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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