my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
