Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
