This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
