capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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