Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
