as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
