I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
