those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
