I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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