4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
