But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
