who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
