Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My breasts were aching with rage.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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