FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
