you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
