im drinking this country out of the recession.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
