Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize