i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
