I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize